If a doctor told you that there is a simple thing you could do to reduce your risk of illness, reduce your stress and at the same time increase your ability to eat and exercise, you would probably do it, right?
Well, it turns out that researchers have examined this impressive activity, but the recipe may not be exactly what you would expect: a healthy dose of self -compassion.
In honor of a (very commercialized) vacation about love, I thought I would spend some time with a different kind of love – the love that we show ourselves (or not show).
How they love themselves (to love others)
It turns out that a small cliché like “learn to love yourself” not only to say a pretty line. It has a real influence on our physical and mental well -being.
As a mothers, we quickly praise our children. We tell you that it’s okay to make mistakes. “Do not give up! You will get it next time! “We say. We have cheered you on, win or lose from the sidelines at your games. If someone teases her at school, we tell you the opposite and hug you up.
However, the question is: How often do we speak, the mothers, in the same loving way with ourselves?
I think I can guess the answer …
The science of love
I certainly do not believe that love can (or should) be reduced to “science”, but in recent years an abundance of literature has been published in which the health benefits of practicing self -compassion or treatment are listed with kindness.
Although it is usually not what a doctor would prescribe, it seems that something as fundamental as the cultivation of a patient and understanding the attitude to ourselves can make the difference to our general well -being.
And I’m pretty sure that this is also good for our spouses/favorites/children/family members!
Define self -compass
Most people are familiar with the general concept of compassion-a fundamental drive for friendliness and concern for the well-being of others. It is interesting to determine that sympathy is derived from the Latin root devotion (to suffer) and the prefix com (Means together): suffer together.
Self -compassion is very easy to conduct, which is directed inwards. It is about being aware of your own fights and keeping those with tenderness, friendliness and patience.
While most people, of course, find it to offer their children, a spouse, a friend, a friend or a colleague encouragement and understanding, it can be surprisingly difficult to do the same for ourselves.
Before we talk about what we can do to improve our positive soliloquy, let’s take a look at what experts say self -compass not. See if you agree …
It is not a self -pleasure
Perhaps one of the reasons why we are resistant to the idea is friendly to ourselves, as pride, lazy, forgiving or weak.
In relation .
Kristen Neff, PhD, is at the top of research on self -compassion (she has attributed the term in the latest literature). In this article she writes about “The motivation power of self -compassion”:
Even compassion is not the same as it is easy for ourselves. It is a way to take care of us like this, that We can exhaust our full potential.
Self -compassion does not mean that we only appear to work if we feel like it or give ourselves a pass for no reason. It has to do with the news that we send ourselves, every minute of every day and how our body perceives these messages for good or bad.
It is not a self -esteem
It is important to point out that self -part is not the same as self -esteem, which can change due to external circumstances or success. In fact, self -compassion is most needed when self -esteem is low.
It is not easy
It may sound like a simple idea, but in a culture that appreciates competition, productivity and to the border, it is a virtue that is too easily ignored. I know I’m guilty! (I accuse my genetics for my type A -Personality …)
Mothers are particularly susceptible today. After all, we try to navigate all the many needs of home, finance, career and family. We are of great responsibility to maintain and shape young heads and body, not to mention the practical needs of life.
It is difficult to forgive ourselves when things are “wrong” or we are not everything we want to be.
Three ways to have self -compass
If the term still appears a little “out there”, we look at three specific options, like Dr. Neff says we can exercise self -compassion.
- Mindfulness -The most of us tend to turn to self -criticism and the judgment if we make a mistake. There can also be a tendency to identify with thoughts. For example, “the house is again messy” quickly turns into thoughts like “I can’t manage my life” and then into “I am a bad person”. Mindfulness helps to raise awareness of these patterns so that they can change.
- Self -child -The self -member of self -knowledge of self -compassion expands an attitude of understanding, care, tenderness and patience. Self -childhood also means making self -care a priority.
- Common humanity – Sounds a bit unusual, but that only means an awareness of the thoughts and feelings of others around us (which probably fight the same way as we do). It helps to create social normalization that reduces isolation and shame. This can contribute to more positive communication skills and relationships.
A practical way to pour our thoughts is to achieve 5-10 minutes every day. Think of your inner thoughts of yourself during the day. Were you friendly? Were you true? Another tool that I found useful for the calming of the mind is the Muse Brain Sensing headband. It turns mindfulness and meditation into a fun game.
Health advantages of self -help
For some, the concept of self -compassion may still sound excessively eccentric or abstract and maybe even a little “woo”. However, there are growing research results that indicate the very real, practical health benefits that they offer.
Happy view
At the beginning, the investigation shows that a higher degree of self -made mental health and well -being of well -being improves significantly. A review showed that self -compassion increases the following favorable features: happiness, optimism, life data satisfaction, body understanding, perceived competence, motivation and social connection.
Self -compassion was also associated with lower overall quotas of anxiety, depression and other mental health problems.
Better lifestyle
The advantages of self -compassion are also not limited to the mental area. Researchers found evidence from fifteen studies and found that self -companies are positive with health behaviors that reduce the risk of diseases such as healthy eating, physical activity, sleep hygiene and stress management.
Counteracts physical effects of stress
Other studies have shown that self -companies have profound physiological roots. Practicing self-compassion deactivates the stress-inducing struggle or the flight reaction of the sympathetic nervous system, while the residual and digestive function is triggered in the parasympathetic nervous system.
It was found that even for a few minutes a self -compassion (basically prayer, meditation or positive thinking) is involved in significantly reducing the cortisol levels and improving the variability of the heart rate, which represents an immediate calming physiological reaction.
Learn positive soliloquy
If you are currently with considerable self -criticism, judgment or guilt, there is no panic. Characteristics of self -compassion can be developed and strengthened by practice over time.
There are now many resources available that form exercises for self -compassion to try in forms of prayer, meditation, reflections and journaling. Listen this podcast with Peter Crone to learn ways to move to the language that we use with ourselves and others.
Take any free time you can find (even if it is in the shower!) And think about these questions:
What do I tell myself
Ask yourself and answer honestly: what do I say to myself every day? What is my tone when I talk to myself?
I was surprised when I tried how easily some pretty hard repetitions came to mind.
For a more comprehensive view of your own soliloquy patterns, it can be useful to start with a self -compassion that offers a snapshot for how compassionate you are currently for yourself. This short, free 26-point quiz could be a big beginning, followed by these self-made self-made exercises.
What is really true?
As soon as you have isolated some important statements that run through your head on a certain day, write them down. Ask yourself whether these statements are true at all and whether you only change them when they are correct. Write down your new script for self -talk and often check it … until it stays.
What did I do well?
We often tend to concentrate on what we did wrong or what not. Make services tangible by writing down and celebrating what went well. Children love being part of it and will learn a lot by joining this exercise. We try to make a shape of it every day after lunch.
Stay focused and set the limits
It is time to let go of the mother’s guilt. We cannot be everything or everything and it can be very free to accept our limits. I learned this lesson on the hard tour. (Take a look at this podcast and maybe you don’t have to have to.)
As soon as you have decided to experiment with self -compass practice, it can be helpful to try different types to find a style and/or a teacher who personally resonates with you. There are a few books that I like on this topic, including:
With practice we (and others around us) can show a lot more love.
Conclusion
It is not always easy to aware of our inner thoughts (that would require some rest!), But as we talk to ourselves, we have a real influence on our mental and physical health. Try these tips to increase self -compassion and let me know if it will help you!
This article was checked medically by Amy Shah, MD, Medical Consultant of Genexa through partnership with the wellness Mama team. As always, this is not a personal medical advice and we recommend that you speak to your doctor.
Do you practice mindfulness exercises that help with yourself? How does your soliloquy sound? Please share below!